Motivation

An ode to a ‘NOBODY”- Why am perfectly fine being Mediocre

“Don’t settle for AVERAGE. You were made for greatness ” – Victoria Osteen

“All I knew is that I never wanted to be average” – Michael Jordan

Don’t these quotes look absolutely wonderful on paper? Being ‘Average’ is abhorred and detested. But is ‘Mediocre’ or being ‘Average’ really the worst thing in life ?

I am an average girl, nothing special , A NOBODY and am perfectly fine with it. Shocked? Since our childhood, we are psychologically conditioned to prove that we are the best, be it getting good grades in school, doing well in sports, getting admission into the best college, being a social butterfly and making lots of friends, and a seven figure salary. If every human being turns into someone extraordinary, then No one will remain ‘Extraordinary’! Not everyone can be Michael Jordan, Einstein, Sachin Tendulkar or The Prime Minister.

People are afraid to accept that they are ordinary and average just like others, nothing extraordinary. Yes, You all are average. Not only the amount of effort and hardwork you put, but also how you deal with failure is what makes you better than others. Let me give an example, If I decide to lose 10 Kgs in one month , it may not happen and I will end up feeling disheartened. So set up REALISTIC GOALS and then work towards it. What matters is not how to avoid failing but rather learning how to GET UP AFTER YOU FALL.

When we set up incredibly high standards for ourself, we may feel like failure when we don’t meet our own expectation. Our inner voice shames us. Now this can be dangerous. Let me explain this through a simple example- An Onion. The ‘true self’ at the centre is protected by outer layers. Let’s call these outer layers – ‘False Self’. As a defence mechanism, our brain may create a false ideal self to protect our true self. Just imagine how painful it would be for the person to face himself and the world when this “False self ” shatters. It may also lead to anxiety, depression and other mental health issues.

Don’t let your grandiose delusions trap you. There are innumerable success stories all around us but nobody talks about their failures. Thomas Edison failed 1000 times, but many of us don’t know that because he was successful the 1001th time.

Am I saying do not dream big ; No! It’s good to set high goals but DO NOT GIVE UP WHEN YOU SLIP. Even if you work hard, its not possible to attain everything you want. Life doesn’t work that way. Getting good grades, job, high salary etc can be part of your life but Don’t make it your life.

You were not born for being the next President or Mother Teresa. You were simply born because your parents had sex without protection. So don’t beat yourself up when life doesn’t go the way you want. Love yourself and learn from every mistake you make because even making mistakes mean you are trying.

Do NOT let fear of failure or being judged stop you from experimenting or doing things you want to. Do NOT feel afraid to voice your opinion or to take risks. I ventured into blogging accidentally a month back, after I discovered my love for writing. I had left my job at IBM few months back, and cut off with most of my friends after my face got ravaged with acne. I used to stay couped up in my room, scared to face people and resorted to writing. I can proudly say Producer-Writer Vinta Nanda followed me on Twitter after a #MeToo article I had written went viral.

Success is not final and failure is not fatal, so do not get disheartened when things don’t go your way. It’s okay to be average. Yes! I am “Mediocre” , a “Nobody” and am perfectly fine with it.

Advertisements
Me Too

#MeToo – EXPOSED!!

She should have dressed ‘decently’

She shouldn’t have gone to late night parties

She drinks and smokes, so she must be ‘available’

It’s HER fault! She “Asked” for it !

Our Society has a rule book regarding how ‘decent’ women should behave, but why are there no guidelines for molesters? Unfortunately when women are harassed, they find it difficult to speak up, as in our society, a victim is shamed, subjected to humilation and her character is questioned .

After Producer-Writer Vinta Nanda accused Alok Nath of Rape, Actress Sandhya Mridul and Deepika Amin have also called out on him for Sexual harassment. Names like Sajid Khan, Singer Kailash Kher, Actor Rajat Kapoor, Nana Patekar, BCCI Rahul Johri, Member of Parliament MJ Akbar, have also come out in the recent wave of harassment allegations.

India’s #MeToo Movement which has recently gained momentum, started when Tanushree Dutta called out on Nana Patekar recently for harassing her in 2008. Since then, many women have come forward and found the courage to speak out.

Columnist/Journalist Tavleen Singh in her column of 14 October calls MeToo Movement irrelevant and a shabby copy of the movement that started in Hollywood. Well, isn’t it unfortunate that people have failed to understand that MeToo isn’t about Bollywood or Hollywood. It’s a tool of empowerment to expose molesters and abusers. It isn’t about Men v/s Women, Its about having courage to voice your opinion and speak up about the men who have tried taking advantage. TV Actress Hina Khan has rightly said “MeToo is not a media activity to gain cheap publicity. Consent and Submission are not the same. Time is always right to speak”.

The only defence these men have is “Why report so late”, Well isn’t it better to be late than never? I urge everyone Not to stay silent. We are neither weak nor Alone. I have seen my own friend being harrassed by my faculty during graduation. If someone is harrassing you, send an email to DCW. Delhi Commission for Women has set up a separate email id to report your complaints metoodcw@gmail.com

Do Not let this opportunity pass. Let’s shame Him Publicly. Let’s make India Safe for Women.

Uncategorised

Rustic Art Aloe Vera Gel | Review

Looking for a moisturiser for your Oily skin? No Cream suits your Acne Prone skin? Check Out My REVIEW !

LipstickForLunch

Guest post by Sneha Narayanan from Sneha Speaks (https://feminism2.home.blog/)

Today, our guest blogger Sneha talks about a product that really helped her acne-prone skin. Read on to find out what she thinks about the Rustic Art Aloe Vera Gel.

PRODUCT DESCRIPTION AND USES:
Rustic Art’s Aloe vera gel is an all-purpose gel. It has no added colors, no fragrance, and is naturally fresh. It can be used as a moisturizer or an astringent and it heals acne, infections, inflammation, minor cuts, and burns. It also balances excess oil, and can be used as an antiseptic, an aftershave or a nappy rash cream too!

INGREDIENTS:
Aloe Vera, Lemon Extracts, Natural Preservative of TCLS (Tumeric oil, clove oil, lemongrass oil)

_IMG_20181004_110000.jpgMY EXPERIENCE:
I had acne a few months back and started using this gel after trying the variants from Patanjali as well as Aloe Veda, and I must say I have got hooked…

View original post 261 more words

Periods

EMBRACE WOMENHOOD

Having binged on my favourite web series, I slept happily only to be awakened by my uterus smirking at me. “Wipe that smug smile off your face”, I yelled. Aaah.. Why me? Who gets these weird nightmares? Guess I had read far too many fairy tales in my childhood . My Sadist uterus grinned ,” Time for your little punishment”. I groaned. Oh no! Not again !

When I was young, I use to wonder Why blood of all things, Of course later I learnt in one of my biology class that bleeding is caused due to blood vessels disintegrating when the lining in womb detaches itself. If only the pain burnt calories, it would still be worth it !

(Pic Credit :Google image used for illustration purpose. I Do Not own this pic)

So last week, I decided to conduct a survey to see if I was the only one suffering. I typed a few questions and sent it to a sample size of 40 women. Well, 16 of them said it affected their ability to work, which constitutes almost 40%. I had also asked them to rate their pain during the period on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest, 23 of them replied above 7, only six of them rated their pain below 3 and the remaining eleven, around 5. According to this survey, 58% suffer, while only 15% do not feel much discomfort.

The worst part is when you are moaning during periods and someone in vicinity asks how are you feeling, and you say ‘I am fine ‘ and try to put up a brave face while your inner voice whispers As fine as giving birth to twin dinosaurs.

Only 10% of working women said they feel comfortable asking their manager for leave during periods. I remember one of my male manager long back asked me why do I take a day’s leave every month. How is it possible that only you fall sick monthly while we don’t. Of Course I curbed my tongue from saying I have a uterus and You don’t. So please Do Not voice your opinion about something you have no idea about.

There is a need to sensitize men about menstruation. Pain varies from one person to another. Around 80% women suffer from PMS. Heard of PMS? Premenstrual Syndrome occurs between ovulation and till the period ends, Generally it starts few days before periods. Our body goes through a lot of emotional and physical changes. It is common to have mood swings, irritability, crying spells, during that time, Other than bloating, breast tenderness, acne and fatigue.

There is no cure for PMS but your doctor can help with the symptoms. My Gynaecologist said that every women should take one Vitamin D sachet and Iron supplements after your period ends for 10 days (10 tabs a month ).

  • Vitamin D (once a month ), Iron (once a day) and calcium supplements
  • Drink lot of water. No milk and dairy during Period as it can trigger menstrual cramps.
  • Eat healthy. Stay away from salt and processed food to avoid bloating.

So it is important to educate people about the distress and discomfort faced by women. People generally feel discouraged from speaking about periods and related topics due to societal shaming and cultural factors.

Even today in India, in the 21st century, despite being a progressive country, women are considered impure during menarche and are discouraged from entering temples and other holy places.

It is a natural biological occurence . Let’s stop being ashamed about it and stop labelling it with names like impure, Not Well, Stomach pain , chumming etc . Let’s embrace womenhood. We are not weak . And all those who think of us as ‘weak’ , try bleeding for a week continuously while carrying your day to day activities.

Uncategorised

LOVE ME For What I am

Ever been admired or loved? Isn’t it a magical feeling when someone treats you like a princess and says you are the most beautiful girl in this world. When it is so easy to love others , why is it so difficult to fall in love with yourself?

  • I wish I could look like her
  • I wish I was that thin
  • I wish I had her flawless skin

Why do we keep comparing ourselves with others? Why try to be like someone else ? Isn’t original better than a copy? If you grew up hearing you aren’t good enough, it becomes difficult to believe in yourself. Why are we so cold hearted when it comes to ourselves? Forgive yourself and move on. Isn’t Self acceptance better than self resentment?

Being overweight during my teen years, I have always fantasized myself having a Victoria secret model body someday. I may not look drop dead gorgeous, I may not be an A grade student, but I am empathetic and kind hearted. I have compassion and integrity. I am humble and grounded, but unfortunately all of this doesn’t hold much value in today’s society.

I am tired and sick of being someone else all the time. I won’t lie and say that I am in love with myself, but I am trying to, and that’s a start. Why should I give others a chance to hurt me? Whatever happened, good or bad, Reliving it won’t do me any good. I am not going to allow myself to be controlled by my past or others opinions. Unfortunately, I am my biggest critic. So from now onwards I am going to avoid all the unnecessary negative self talk. I am going to look in the mirror and repeat everyday before going to sleep…… I LOVE YOU. It’s time I start loving myself.

I came across few lines by Joybell C and would like to share it with all of you.

“The only person who can pull me down is myself and I’m not going to let myself pull me down anymore. You may be the most beautiful person in the world and everybody sees light and rainbows when they look at you, but if you yourself don’t know it, all of that doesn’t even matter. Every second that you spend on doubting your worth, every moment you use to criticize yourself is a moment of your life wasted and thrown away. “

It took me a lot of time to understand that there is nothing You cannot achieve if you believe in yourself. Do you agree that believing in yourself increases your potentiality? Do you truly love yourself?

Rape

Need for Criminalising Marital Rape

While we applaud Supreme court’s landmark judgement in case of Triple Talaq, it is disheartening to know that, in our country, something as heinous as Marital rape is brushed under the carpet. It isn’t even considered an offence. A rape is a rape irrespective of age, gender or marital status. Intercourse with consent is sex and without consent is Rape.

Last month, a 25 year old school teacher tried killing herself after she was brutally raped by her husband. In 2015, a woman was hospitalized due to severe injuries but her husband was not prosecuted because unfortunately the law does not consider Marital Rape an offence. These are just a few cases which hit the newspapers. Most of them do not even get reported. Does Marraige give a man permanent license to have sex with his wife, without her CONSENT? Should the wife always be willing to establish physical relationship on any day or time, just because he wants to? Among 106 countries, 32 consider Marital Rape as a Special Criminal Offence while the remaining include it in general Rape provision. There are only 36 countries where it is not even considered a crime and sadly, India is one among them .The mental agony and trauma that a woman faces after being Raped is Unbearable. Just imagine, she has to live with the rapist forever with NO Laws to protect her. Marital Rape is monstrous, humiliating and leaves an everlasting scar.

Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code states an exception to the definition of Rape,”Intercourse or sexual act by a man with his wife (the wife not being under 15) is not rape”. This was recently modified as according to POSCO (Protection of children from sexual offences), the age of consent is 18. That means if a married woman is above 18 years of age and is raped by her husband, it won’t be considered a Rape. Does that mean laws are only meant to protect minors ? What if a woman above 18 is raped? The male is liable to be prosecuted for Rape even if two individuals below 18 have consensual sex, but if the wife is above 18 and the man forces himself on her without her consent, it’s NOT a crime according to the Law !

The Justice Verma Committee in 2013, suggested the removal of the exception under Section 375 and to make Marital Rape an offence regardless of wife’s age but the committee’s recommendation was not accepted. Though the law was modified and the Criminal Law Amendment Act 2013 raised the age to 18 but Marital rape is still not considered a crime. According to National Family Health survey, 31% of women are subjected to emotional or sexual abuse by their spouse . Whenever we raise this issue, it is brushed aside by the government, as they feel criminalising marital rape will destabilise the institution of marriage. Why are we not ready to accept Marital Rape as a crime? Is it because we believe that it will destroy the sanctity of arranged marriages? Well, the so called sanctity is destroyed the moment the man forces himself on his wife. Marraige is based on trust and mutual respect. Neither the wife “belongs” to her husband, nor is she a “commodity” .

If you are wondering, when we have laws for domestic violence, then why is another needed for Marital Rape? Well, the Domestic Violence Act 2005 is inadequate for a crime as monstrous as Marital Rape. If someone rapes you, don’t you want him to be punished?Dont you want him to be held responsible for the trauma that you have undergone? Whether the abuser is one’s husband or a stranger makes no difference because the only thing that differentiates Sex from Rape is CONSENT.

I remember a few years back, one of my friend confided in me regarding feeling violated. Her husband used to violate her when she was asleep and she used to wake up feeling abused. Despite her refusal, he continued. Here the man is not a stranger. He is not thrashing her or holding a knife. Is this marital rape?Unfortunately, YES, it is, though it’s not what we think of normally as rape. Being married doesn’t change the fact that consent is crucial. If a woman is asleep or intoxicated, obviously she can’t give consent. Despite telling him innumerable times that she felt violated, he still continued because according to him, he wasn’t doing anything wrong as her body belonged to him. Well, a wife isn’t a commodity purchased by her husband, Her decision needs to be respected. There is a need to create awareness and educate men that CONSENT is CRUCIAL for sex.

Marital rape should be recognized as an offence and the punishment should be similar to that of rape. If you are wondering how can it be proved, Timely medical examination, forensic evidence and sexual abuse history can help. Just because a crime is difficult to prove, it cannot be brushed off. Moreover, the argument that law can be misused is absurd. We cannot NOT implement a law just because we are scared that some vengeful woman in future may falsely accuse her innocent husband someday. Laws do get misused but that doesn’t mean we don’t recognize a crime as a crime. Let’s have some checks and measures in place.

It’s high time we come forward and fight for our rights. Agree? Disagree? Have something to add? Drop in your comments.

Uncategorised

ITS MY CHOICE!!

Finally have started my blog after a lot of contemplation and if you are anything like me, Confused and Indecisive, you would have also pondered a lot regarding what your first post should be. Well, a chance encounter of 20-20 biscuit advertisement in TV the other day, gave me enough fodder to contemplate and the impetus I needed. A girl was trying out a few dresses in a mall when her father asks, “Isn’t it a little short” and the mother exclaims , “Dress choti nahi Hoti, soch Hoti hai”.

No dress is indecent. Wearing clothes is a personal choice. Stop shaming our body and clothing choices. Why are we constantly asked to “Cover” ourselves? If you are trying to protect us from “Unwanted attention”, then please try to understand that the length of our dress cannot be seen as a measure of our consent .

How am I responsible for the action of some “potential creep” who is going to stare at me for wearing a short dress? Please DO NOT teach your daughters to wear “Decent” clothes. When you tell us to cover ourselves and dress decently, you are damaging us and a million other girls by SHAMING us. Instead, teach us that CLOTHES are NOT RESPONSIBLE for Rape, molestation and other abuse. Anyone can be sexually assaulted under any circumstances irrespective of wearing a saree or a bikini.

I remember an incident in school , when my friend’s mother was called regarding uniform’s length. The teacher tried justifying her irrational demand by stating she wanted to protect her from “Unwanted attention”. Instead of teaching boys to not view girls as sexual objects, my friend was shamed and “taught” to wear a long skirt to prevent men from staring at her. Moral Policing young girls and women has become a norm in our society! People say “Men will be men” and it’s upto us to protect ourselves by dressing “decently”. All I can say is , such regressive thinking is ingrained in our society which strips our freedom to dress as we please.

So Dear Family, Society, Well wishers , Moral Police Brigade and other Interfering busy bodies,

Next time if you tell me to dress up “Decently”, I am going to ask you to shove your Moral Policing up your **** !

Till then Goodbye friends,
Adios Amigos